“I guess women have to almost die before we give ourselves permission to live how we want.”
– Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
Hey there, Mikala here. I want to share with you my recent mind blown and life-changing brain moment. So you too can challenge the rules in your mind so you create a coaching business you love.
I had a recent stint of bed rest due to illness. So I caught up on a lot of my reading.
Laying in bed day after day, filled with painkillers and nauseous from them. I was full of anguish about what the future of my business would hold.
But then I read this quote.
Ok, so my condition is a massive inconvenience to the future, I decided for myself.
But it’s forced me to rethink what I believed about myself and my life. Plus, challenge the rule about how I run both my businesses.
Will I ever get over the constant fatigue and brain fog the drugs I’m taking cause me?
(Even though they do a fantastic job with the pain)
Will I ever feel clear-headed enough to drive a car again?
Can I find the energy to walk further than the end of my street and back?
But the critical moment for me was the thoughts that followed these questions above.
Here’s a running commentary of my brain….
Me: Rules are gone. They’ve smashed out the window. So I must create my path and work out what works for me.
Also me: Hang on, there are rules?
Me again: What are these rules I speak of?
Still me: Who said I should follow the rules?
Confused me: Why did I choose to believe I must follow magical rules that only exist from society collectively deciding as a whole? Or did they?
Angry me: Who the hell voiced these damn rules in the first place? Dare I challenge the rules?
Rebellious me: To hell with rules – I can choose to live my life and do whatever the hell I want!
A Rule Follower
When I was a kid at school, I was a rule follower. (Gemma was too)
Ok, so I was a little lax in the homework department, well, a lot lax. (Gemma was NOT.)
But on the flip side, I spent every after school moment at dancing or drama lessons, rehearsals or performances, so I wasn’t lazy.
But I was one of the kids who sat quietly in class (Gemma was not) and did my work.
I wore the correct uniform and didn’t rock the boat. (You guessed it, Gemma did not)
I can count in less than one hand the number of classes I wagged in high school.
Plus, aside from a half glass of wine and orange juice with my family at Christmas, I didn’t touch alcohol until I turned 18.
Guess what? Gemma’s wagged classes totalled one. It was in year 12. She decided to stay in the art room, continuing a painting instead of going to her psych class. Is that a valid form of wagging? I’ll let you decide.
But back to me.
I’m honest with my taxes, don’t drive drunk, and I don’t let my kids have a day off school because it’s their birthday or they’re tired.
I’ve never thought to question the rules I created for myself.
A Rule Breaker
The funny thing is until reading Untamed. I had no idea about the crazy set of rules that lived in my brain.
Thoughts about rules my brain wrote for me and for better or worse, I lived my life by.
Here’s a teaser from my personal rule book:
- Work 8 hour days
- Not pierce my nose
- Not cut my hair too short now I’m over 40
- Wake early and do all my self-care (exercise, meditation etc.) before the rest of my family gets up
- Always be patient, kind and willing to listen to my kids even when I’m sick or tired or don’t feel like it
- Always serve my meal last after everyone else
And here’s the cracker…
- Always put everyone else’s wants and needs before mine
But now I’ve got a life-altering medical condition, so I made a promise to myself.
Make a list of all of my ridiculous personal rules and then break every single damn one.
Because I can.
I won’t break the law.
My head may start spinning, but that’s ok.
And I may discover what new and unique things I’m bloody well capable of!
I am all in.
Challenge Your Set of Rules
Do you have your own set of personal life-limiting rules?
Rules you follow without even realising it?
If so, I want you to accompany me.
Join me in being a personal rule breaking rebel.
And then send me a message and let me know how it feels….
Here’s the thing, as coaches, we help others to uncover their thoughts.
And through self-coaching and getting coached, we uncover our thoughts.
But, have you looked into the thoughts which are rules you’ve created for yourself?
If not, I challenge you to.
You’ll discover these rules most likely aren’t laws or regulations.
Even if they are, technically, laws and regulations don’t have to be followed. (If you don’t follow them, there are consequences), but you’re an adult human, and you don’t need to.
If that hurts your brain a little, I invite you to think about people who live “off-grid” because they don’t pay taxes or electricity bills, right?
But here’s the thing, do the rules you’ve created in your head mean you’ll suffer consequences?
Your rules are sentences in your mind (like all thoughts) that you live by without question.
But if you challenge the rules, then you’ll start to create different results in your life.
Now, don’t judge the rules, don’t question why they are there. I want you to look at them and ask if they serve you.
And if the rules align with your beliefs.
Must you work 8 hours a day?
Suppose you decided yes, then great. But ask yourself, why must you work 8 hours a day?
If your answer sounds like, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘because I should,’ Then ask yourself why. Why should you?
You are the one who permits yourself to live how you want. Go on and challenge the rules in your mind.
So then, are you with me?